you start speaking aloud to yourself more than may be healthy
you start stand-up cat fighting with your kitten and laughing until you cry,
fur floating around you like dust motes in warm, late desert afternoon sunlight
at large paws balanced on human palms and meow, mewl sounds of fight and love

you begin now to dance in your underwear once again, singing into serving spoons and wine bottles and hairbrushes
practice alliteration and accents to an empty room
recite poetry at the top of your lungs to no one and nothing in particular

now you are spending daytime hours curled in bed
stretching until it hurts, in the best kind of way, cat-like and sleepy,
and sighing into the silence in an unexpected contentment settling over you

books become your best friends again
costumes are donned to fit whatever feeling this night is bringing
feeling all dressed up with no place to go
and really no desire to go at all
you are now your own best company
and it feels fucking Fantastic

red lipstick and garters and fancy dresses and heels all your own

staring at this busy city bathed in moonlight
mouthing prayers and breaking down in the most perfect of ways

wondering at why being alone has ever frightened you before

this all makes just far too much sense, alone…

there is paint covering your hands and arms and oversized dress shirts once again
curries and vegan baked goods and autumn soups made
wine and tears still pulled straight from the bottle
practicing lucid dreaming, reading your own tarot, predicting and creating your very own future
EMT and moving away dreaming

(and it Will be made a reality)

there are scissors and needles and blades and corkscrews,
potential weapons made art and love and connecting to your own insides instead of someone else’s for once
pages and pages written, the smoke still chain-like, the bottles still making rows on windowsills
yoga twisting and convoluting your form, working your physical body to soreness and better breathing and deep soul loosening

the missing and the nostalgia a constant, driving ache
that leads to more truth then you could have ever created if left less alone
the air in here is clean and pure and rain-filled and mystery perfumed and perfect
because this?

absolutely alone
absolutely foreign
absolute freedom
just what you never knew you needed

just right
just what I need
just Right Now

and all of the worlds that this speaks…

a.

alone all i ever needed just me and so fucking perfect independence so very much okay right NOW love love love love le sigh yes a

  1. yellowtulipfinch reblogged this from dullscissors11
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  3. redandblackattack said: That’s wonderful! Is that new doll?
  4. dullscissors11 posted this